A Pause In Conversation
by awesomatics
Summary: The Internet has arrived at Hogwarts, and Draco and Hermione are not impressed by the drama it brings with it. Written in snippets of conversations, VOMs, diary entries, and chatting over the Wizarding Across NetworK. Seventh year. HBP not relevant.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: **The format may seem confusing at first... I tried to separate each letter/email/note quite obviously, by it still seems a little jumbled. In the note-taking sections, Hermione is in _italics_, Ron is **bold** and Harry is normal.

* * *

**Mione, this class sucks balls.**

_Ron! Don't write things like that on my notebook! And it does not, anyway._

**Does so. TRANSFIGURATION- SUCKS- BALLS.**

Your mum sucks balls, Won-Won.

**Shut up Harry.**

_Would you two please stop writing profanities on my notebook? I'm trying to work here!_

Sorry Hermione.

**I'm not. I'm bored.**

Yeah, I'm not that sorry either.

_GO AWAY!_

* * *

**From the desk of Draco Malfoy…**

Wednesday

Third day of the term. Still look devastatingly handsome. Am surprised girls aren't falling over my feet. Transfiguration was even more boring as usual today. McGonagall is an uptight bitch. Her sex life must be very unsatisfactory.

People have not yet noticed my effort to be 'nicer'. I've stopped calling Granger a Mudblood, for instance. I can't help the pompous git thing though. That's just much too difficult. And I can't stop myself laughing at Neville either. So my efforts have not been completely successful. Ah well.

In other news, managed to ridicule Potter eleven (11) times today. Feel very accomplished.

* * *

Hello students,

Those with communication boxes (also known as Coms) can now access a new service of our sponsor, Wizarding Across- the Wizarding Across NetworK (WANK). This will enable students to easily send information and messages to other. Please use this technology for STUDYING PURPOSES ONLY. Socialising using your Com will mean your service connection will be TERMINATED.

Every student and member of staff has been assigned a Virtual Owl Mail (VOM) address, using your last name and first letter of your given name.

Your messengers and address book have been filled with every student in your year, for convenience. Feel free to add/delete names as you choose.

Thank you.

* * *

**Welcome to WANK Messenger, grangerh!**

**Your personal name:** Hermione

**Online**

- I'm not angry! (potterh)

- Draco Malfoy (malfoyd)

- SuGaR aNd SpIcE aNd EvErYtHiNg ThAtS nIcE (brownl)

- The man with the master plan (zabinib)

- Can people please stop greeting me as, 'pompous git'? (macmillane)

- HARRY'S ANGRY (weasleyr)

* * *

**The man with the master plan: **What a highly imaginative name you have there, Draco.

**Draco Malfoy:** Yes Blaise, I thought so.

**Draco Malfoy:** I've only got all these Gryffindors and the pompous git online. It feels very depressing.

**The man with the master plan: **Understandably. He should know why everyone calls him a pompous git.

**Draco Malfoy:** I know. It's obvious.

**The man with the master plan: **Maybe I should talk to that Lavender girl. She's pretty hot.

**Draco Malfoy:** She's shared saliva with the Weasel.

**The man with the master plan: **Right. Never mind then.

**Draco Malfoy:** She's not that attractive anyway.

**The man with the master plan: **Yes she is.

**Draco Malfoy:** No she isn't.

**The man with the master plan: **Yes she is.

**Draco Malfoy:** Not attractive. Skanky, maybe.

**The man with the master plan: **Can't disagree with you there.

**Draco Malfoy:** I win.

**The man with the master plan: **I'm going to talk to her anyway.

**Draco Malfoy:** Fine.

**The man with the master plan: **Fine.

**Draco Malfoy:** ...

**Draco Malfoy:** Blaise?

**Draco Malfoy:** This is stupid. Now I don't even have you to talk to.

**The man with the master plan: **Talk to someone else. This Lavender chick is very... engaging.

* * *

**Draco Malfoy:** Potter, you're a wanker.

[**I'm not angry!** has blocked **Draco Malfoy**]

* * *

**Draco Malfoy:** Hello there, Granger.

**Hermione:** Hi.

**Draco Malfoy:** ...

**Hermione:** Is there a reason you started this conversation with me? I'll have you know, Harry isn't very happy that you sent him an abusive message.

**Draco Malfoy:** That's his problem. He's angry, anyway.

**Hermione:** His name thing says, "I'm not angry!"

**Draco Malfoy:** Precisely. He's using reverse psychology, you see.

**Hermione:** Oh, how could I have missed that.

**Draco Malfoy:** I'm not quite sure.

**Hermione:** Sarcasm obviously doesn't work over the network.

**Draco Malfoy:** Obviously not.

**Draco Malfoy:** Am I the only one who finds the abbreviation of the network's name hilarious?

**Hermione:** What do you mean, it's just W, A, N... ohhh.

**Draco Malfoy:** Another thing you missed, do-gooder.

**Hermione:** So, again, why are you talking to me?

**Draco Malfoy:** The other options are homework, the pompous git or the Weasel.

**Hermione:** Why does everyone call him a pompous git anyway? And what about Blaise?

**Draco Malfoy:** Too busy faffing about with Lavender to talk to me. They're probably already eating each other's faces now. And the pompous git, well, that's just obvious.

**Hermione:** Too much information. And don't use the word 'faffing'.

**Draco Malfoy:** What's wrong with the word faffing, Muggle girl?

**Hermione:** Just everything. 'Muggle girl'? At least it's a step up from Mudblood.

**Draco Malfoy:** I am a reformed man. Mudblood is something someone who... is like my father would say. However, I still resent you greatly, so don't get your hopes up.

**Hermione:** I would use sarcasm here, but you might not get it. But I do believe that you've grown up, Malfoy. Well done.

**Draco Malfoy:** Don't patronise me, girl.

**Hermione:** I wouldn't make the effort.

* * *

_"Only determination, and the most committed of people can succeed." - Anonymous_

This book belongs to: Hermione Granger, 7th Year, Gryffindor

Wednesday

Homework: Transfiguration, Charms, Arithmancy

God, I wish Harry and Ron would stop scribbling all over my notes in class. It makes it very hard to do my homework.

Ginny approached me today, and started raving on about Blaise and her doing some unspeakable things on the Divination Tower. What am I supposed to say to something like that? "Alright, Ginny hon, make sure you use protection?" Ron would kill me.

Next thing you know, I hear from Malfoy of all people, that Blaise is off with Lavender.

Really, I cannot keep up with all these classroom affairs. I must concentrate on studying.

...But why do they call him a pompous git?

* * *

Draco darling, how are you?

Snookums, I'm ever so sorry that I haven't sent a letter for a while, but it has been so busy around here! I tell you, Malfoy Manor is going to be the place to be for all socialites! That will wipe that disgusting department store lipsticked smile off that horrible wife of, oh I don't know, whatshisface. The one with all that hair, and she wears such dreadful clothing.

How are your studies, dear? I think you're taking too many NEWTs. This will simply stress you out, and cause wrinkles. And we wouldn't want that on your beautiful face.

You're still in the Quidditch team, right? I wouldn't like you to get hurt. Maybe you should join something safer. Like, the Com club or something. Oh, I know your father would disapprove but we don't mention him anymore, do we?

Lots of love

Your mother

* * *

**From the desk of Draco Malfoy...**

Dear Mother,

Please don't call me snookums or darling anymore. It's very disturbing. And don't mention my father, either.

I don't know his name either. But the wife's name is Darlene, I think.

Mother, I'm going to stay in Quidditch. Com Club is for nerds.

NEWTs are overrated.

Draco

* * *

Draco honey,

You shouldn't be so impersonal towards your own mother! And I can call you anything I like.

One thing I forgot to ask you, is there any nice girls this year at Hogwarts? Oh, it would be nice for you to bring home a pretty girlfriend, or should I say, potential wife! Now you're in seventh year, don't you think it's time to start looking? Just a thought!

Love from your long-suffering mother

* * *

Yay, another Transfiguration theory class.

_I can hardly contain myself with joy. Especially since you wrote it in your own book this time, well done. Harry: 1, Hermione: 2493._

**How about my score?**

Ron: -342.

**Haha, very funny.**

I thought so.

_Again you two, I want to concentrate. And take notes. This latest example can be referenced from Golby B, "A Prisoner in an Animal's Body", Random Mouse Publishing, 1998. An insight to frozen transfiguration, the connotations that are due to the spores of a mushroom and skeletal instances mean..._

***snores***

Does that even make sense?

**Harry, you don't make sense. Yeah! Ron: -341.**

Hermione, what's that piece of paper by your foot?

_What piece of- oh, that one. Let me read it. Oh. Okay._

Who's it from?

_Oh, nobody._

**Come on Mione! Is it... a SECRET LOVER?**

_No._

**That means it is.**

Hermione, you never told me this. How come Ron knows and I don't?

_Because it's not true!_

**So spill. What's in the note?**

And who's your secret lover? Ron, do you know?

**Nope. But I can guess... it's the pompous git, isn't it?**

Who?

**Don't you know who he is? It's obvious.**

Oh, him. I can see why everyone calls him that.

**It's only natural.**

_You two are insufferable._

**Mione, I want to know who your secret lover is.**

Me too. It's not fair if you tell Won-Won everything and not me.

**I'M NOT WON-WON!**

Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won Won-Won

_Oh shut up, both of you. Here Harry, have the note then. It's for you._

I HATE MALFOY

* * *

The Note

Potter, you smell.

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **potterh

**Subject:** Your secret lover

Hermione, are you seeing someone without telling Ron and me? Coz, you know, we're your best friends. We won't make fun of you if it's, you know, Neville or anything. I mean, I hope it's not Neville. But it'd be okay if it was. You know?

Harry

* * *

**To: **potterh

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** There's no secret because there's no lover

Don't worry Harry. I'm not. And if I was, it wouldn't be Neville.

* * *

**HARRY'S ANGRY:** So Harry, what did she say?

**I'm not angry!:** She said, and I quote, "Don't worry Harry. I'm not. And if I was, it wouldn't be Neville."

**HARRY'S ANGRY:** Oh, she so does have a secret lover.

**I'm not angry!:** Tell me about it.

* * *

"Well hello there Granger. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Oh put a cork in it, Malfoy. Did you send that note to Harry?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Well, if you insist, I guess I do."

"He gets quite upset, you know."

"It must be his intense crush on me. Poor boy. He can't help but be smitten with my gorgeousity, is that a word, ah well. Anger is his only outlet, it seems. After all, his name does say he's angry."

"You are so full of yourself."

"What else would I be full of?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **In the notes, Ron is **bold**, Hermione_ italic_ and Harry normal.

* * *

_Mix one (1) cup of powdered bull horn into your cauldron, stir anticlockwise once then clockwise for three (3) minutes until the texture is gooey and the mixture is translucent and..._

**Mione, I'm boooooored. I'm hungry. Is it over yet?**

Hermione, I want to go outside. Can I go outside?

**Is it over yet? Is it over yet? Is it over yet? I want to eat something. Mione, I want to eat chips.**

Look, outside it's all nice and sunny. Can we play outside after?

_Can you two STOP WRITING ALL OVER MY NOTES?_

Grumpy.

**I want chips.**

_I don't care if you want bloody chips! Or if you want to play outside! I want to do well!_

Fine then. We'll play hangman. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**A.**

Wrong. You die, Weasley. x_X

**What the hell is that?**

A dead face. You see, the crosses are its eyes? And the line is its mouth.

**Ohh, I get it now. Harry, you draw crap pictures.**

No, I don't! Why are you always so mean to me?

**Geez, no need to get all aggro on me. Haha, Harry's angry!**

I AM NOT ANGRY

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** Me and my problems

Hey Mione. Ah, I did something today.

...

Do they read these emails?

Yeah, well, reply as soon as possible.

Ginny xoxo

P.S. Ron said you have a secret lover. Fess up, then!

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** You and your many problems

I don't think they read these emails. Or else just about everyone would've been kicked off the system already, for "socialising".

So what did you do?

P.S. Please kindly kill your brother for me. I do not have a secret lover.

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** What do you mean, 'many'?

Umm, the same thing I did with Dean. Except this time, with Blaise.

P.S. I don't believe you.

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** You should know what I mean

WHAT?

WHY?

P.S. You better bloody well believe me. Who do you think it would be?

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** Well, I don't. So explain

Because he was so good with his hands, and it seemed right, and nobody was around, and... I don't know. Yes, I know he's been with others. But, it's not like I haven't done it before.

It was pretty good, too.

P.S. The pompous git? Nah, he's too unexciting. Harry? No, he's too angry. Crabbe.

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** I shan't. Muahaha

_and nobody was around..._

Well, that much is obvious. Unless there's some voyeurists around, or something.

_It was pretty good, too._

TMI. TMI. TMI. Big time.

But, Ginny... Blaise is so, so... meh.

P.S. Crabbe- you've got to be joking, right?

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** Hermione, that's not very nice of you. I might have to call.. THE SEX POLICE

I don't think it's TMI. I think you really did want to know. Are you one of those voyeurists, Hermione?

Oh, he isn't meh, definitely not what I've seen of him, anyway. And supposedly, he's open to new things to. Him and Malfoy have done quite a bit, so I've heard. I might ask him about it.

But yeah. What should I do?

P.S. I thought he seemed... hidden, mysterious. No? Alrighty then ;)

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** The sex police? What do they do?

No, I'm not a voyeurist. Can we stop discussing voyeurists, actually?

And again, TMI. I don't really want to know what him and Malfoy do in their private time. Though, I thought Malfoy was straight?

Well, I think you should ask him about what he's been doing with other girls, instead of him and Malfoy.

P.S. I think you're insane.

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** Oh, wouldn't you like to know, voyeurist

What do you care if Malfoy is straight? Is he your secret lover?

And I still want to know about him and Blaise. I think it's hot. It shows they're open to new things. Right? I bet you want to know as much as I do.

Crabbe really is a very nice boy.

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** Oh please.

Ah, just shut up.

* * *

**The man with the master plan: **God Draco. You don't know what you're missing.

**Draco Malfoy:** I don't know what you're talking about, Zabini.

**The man with the master plan: **You gotta play the field a little. You know, try all the houses?

**Draco Malfoy:** Blaise. I still have no-fricking-idea what you're on about.

**The man with the master plan: **Ok. How about this? Me- Ginny- together- empty classroom- hot.

**Draco Malfoy:** YOU SCREWED GINNY WEASLEY?

**The man with the master plan: **Don't have to be so crude, and all, but yeah. Twice. And it was brilliant.

**Draco Malfoy:** Zabini. Didn't need the twice.

**The man with the master plan: **Sorry.

**Draco Malfoy:** Oh. Well. I guess it'd be good coz she's been around. Crabbe never shuts up.

**The man with the master plan: **Crabbe? Really?

**Draco Malfoy:** You don't want to know.

**The man with the master plan: **Yeah, I don't. So, Malfoy, when are you gonna hook up with a Gryffindor? You have to say, the selection is a lot better than in Slytherin.

**Draco Malfoy:** I have no interest in either the Slytherins or Gryffindors. Or Hufflepuffs, actually.

**The man with the master plan: **True. I don't think Millicent can be classified female, really.

**Draco Malfoy:** I don't think she can be classified human.

**The man with the master plan: **Well, it seems most of the Gryffindors are willing. You just have to take your pick.

**Draco Malfoy:** Or, in your case...

**The man with the master plan: **Hey, you can pick more than one.

**Draco Malfoy:** I'm not convinced.

**The man with the master plan: **By the end of it, trust me. You will be.

* * *

"Mione, do you know any reason why random people have been going up to Ginny and saying things like 'Suck 'em good'?"

"Umm, what do you mean Ron?"

"I've heard about three guys saying it to her when we were just walking to the commons. When I asked her about it she just ran off somewhere."

"Sorry Ron, I have no idea what 'Suck'em good' means."

"I know! It's something to do with... she likes those lollypops from Hogsmeade, right? Maybe someone just bought her them! Like a box! Yeah! That's why she didn't tell me, she wanted them all to herself."

"Uh, sure, Ron. That is... plausible."

"Thanks Mione! You're the best!"

* * *

**Hermione:** Malfoy, you're friends with Blaise, right?

**Draco Malfoy:** I suppose so.

**Hermione:** Has he said anything about him and, you know, other people, um, doing things?

**Draco Malfoy:** Granger, what the hell are you on about? You're going to have a be a little bit more specific. What, do you fancy him or something?

**Hermione:** No! No no no no, oh, I just heard something that he did with someone who is very close to me.

**Draco Malfoy:** Yeah, I know that he screwed Ginny, if that's what you mean.

**Hermione:** Do you have to put it like that?

**Draco Malfoy:** If it annoys you, Granger, yes.

**Hermione:** You- are- scum.

**Draco Malfoy:** Thank you.

**Hermione:** Anyway. Does Blaise and Ginny, you know, yeah, have anything to do with half the school telling her to "Suck 'em good"?

**Draco Malfoy:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Hermione:** I guess so.

**Draco Malfoy:** Oh, that has made my day, it has.

**Hermione:** Great. Just what I wanted.

**Draco Malfoy:** Well, it's to do with her abilities. And she showed them to Blaise. Several times.

**Hermione:** I gathered so much. Does everyone know?

**Draco Malfoy:** That she was with Blaise, or that she's a skank?

**Hermione:** Shut your face about my friend, Malfoy.

**Draco Malfoy:** Both, Granger.

**Hermione:** Damnit.

**Draco Malfoy:** You asked. Ask a question...

**Hermione:** I know, I know. Just leave it.

**Draco Malfoy:** Blaise is a right nutter at the moment though. Head in all sorts of places.

**Draco Malfoy:** Oh shit, I didn't mean it that way.

**Hermione:** Ew. Ewww. I know you didn't. You just didn't have to... ugh. Yeah. But, um, what makes you think that?

**Draco Malfoy:** Granger, I thought you were disgusted with that topic. I can explain if you like. I'll start with what he did with Pansy.

**Hermione:** No! I meant the first bit!

**Draco Malfoy:** Oh. Sorry. He's been suggesting the weirdest things.

**Hermione:** For example...

**Draco Malfoy:** Me with the Gryffindor skanks as well.

**Hermione:** Ahem.

**Draco Malfoy:** Oh, you don't count. Because you're such a nerd, you don't qualify as skanky. Asexual, perhaps.

**Hermione:** Thanks, Malfoy.

**Draco Malfoy:** My pleasure.

* * *

"Give me one of those lollypops, Ginny!"

"Um, what lollypops, Ron?"

"Oh, she's been sucking tons of lollypops."

"Go away, you Slytherin prat."

"See Ginny, he said you have lollypops. Hand them over."

"Uh, Ron... I don't have any lollypops."

"But then why are people asking you to 'Suck 'em good'?"

"Ha ha ha. Ha. Umm. It's a, um, long story. Inside joke."

"I can't see any other explanation for it. Lollypops. I mean, what else do you... ohhh."

"Ha. Umm, ha."

"GINNY!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **In the notes, Ron is **bold**, Hermione _italic_ and Harry normal.

* * *

**To: **seventhyear

**From: **mcgonagallm

**Subject: **Annual Celebrations

Seventh year students, hello again,

As with tradition, the second week of the second term in your schooling is time for celebration, coinciding with the teacher's annual classing meeting, in which we re-assess our courses etc.

This year, the host house for the celebrations will be: Slytherin

All lower years will be re-allocated for the night of Friday.

As we as professors believe you all to be mature and responsible, no teacher supervision will be present.

However, there will be ZERO toleration for sexual activity of any kind, alcohol or drug use, lewd behaviour and so forth.

Lower years may only attend by the invitation of a seventh year.

Discretion must be utilised in the trust we have placed you with no supervision. This system has worked flawlessly in previous years. We would hate for you to be the first year to invoke the rights. But not as much as I'm sure you would.

Professor McGonagall

* * *

_This is despicable. Just despicable._

**Yay! Mione hates Transfiguration too! FINALLY**

_No, I meant the VOM Mcgonagall sent out. Obviously for the annual teacher booze-up._

Are you going to bring your secret lover?

**Yeah, Mione! I want to meet him.**

So will Ginny.

**Harry, shut up or you'll be wearing your ASS as a HAT. Yeah that's right, an ASSHAT.**

Ron, you're lame.

**Your mum's lame.**

Your grandma's lame.

**Your grandfather's lame.**

Your uncle's lame.

**Your face is lame.**

_You are BOTH lame! Excuse me, am I the only one who wants to complain?_

Um. Yes.

_I think this is just lax. Simply lax. I am not going to a party where I'll be drunkenly groped by girls._

Girls?

**Girls?**

_Well, I'm supposedly asexual._

WHO SAID THAT

_Just a person, don't worry about it-_

I WILL RIP THEM TO PIECES

**Harry, no need to get all angry. Hahaha**

I'M JUST FRUSTRATED

**Sexually frustrated.**

AAAAHHH

* * *

**From the desk of Draco Malfoy...**

Thursday

Seems that annual teacher piss-up occurring again. Ha. That means one thing-

Seventh years getting laid.

Blaise particularly thrilled. Even my mother gave a horrible recount of her seventh year party. Like I wanted to know my mother's sexual... exploits.

Ugh.

Good news, girls will be dressed skankily. Perhaps Granger will even show up in something vaguely revealing. Haha.

Insulted Potter just three (3) times today. My standard is dropping.

* * *

**The man with the master plan: **Blaise is getting some action, oh yeah, oh yeah. Who's the champion, oh yeah, do a little dance, all right.

**Draco Malfoy:** I hope you end up alone in your bed.

**The man with the master plan: **Come on Malfoy, this is a chance to get TRASHED and better, watch the girls getting trashed.

**Draco Malfoy:** You're a chauvinist pig.

**The man with the master plan: **God, you're sounding like Granger now.

**Draco Malfoy:** My apologies. Please, go and sex underage Gryffindor girls.

**The man with the master plan: **Why, thank you Malfoy. I think I will. Mini-Weasley may be up for another round.

**Draco Malfoy:** ...

**The man with the master plan: **"Suck 'em good!" Hahaha. Nice one.

**Draco Malfoy:** Why don't you just go with Millicent? She's very... strong. She could probably hold you up and shag you.

**The man with the master plan: **GAH

* * *

**Draco Malfoy:** Hi.

**Hermione:** Before you say it, don't.

**Draco Malfoy:** Say what?

**Hermione:** Whatever. Just- don't.

**Draco Malfoy:** Granger, are you insane? Here I am, being friendly as always-

**Hermione:** Don't make me laugh.

**Draco Malfoy:** I don't think I could.

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** The sex police will be on a lookout to-night!

Hermione-

So, this is the night! Blaise invited me. Isn't he sweet?

Ginny xoxo

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** Oh. Yes. Please.

G-

Oh. I'm soooo thrilled.

* * *

**To: **grangerh

**From: **weasleyg

**Subject:** Ohhhhhhh YEESSSS MOOORREEE

Hey, maybe you can show your secret lover!

* * *

**To: **weasleyg

**From: **grangerh

**Subject:** Um... no.

DON'T start that again.

* * *

"Granger!"

"Malfoy."

"So."

"So."

"Well, you're here. You, um..."

"You don't need to tell the asexual she looks nice. It's not a date."

"I wasn't planning to."

"So I should've expected. So, why are you talking to me?"

"Crabbe and Goyle are currently passed out. And Blaise..."

"Oh. OH. Okay. Him and Ginny are... busy."

"So are you going to drink something?"

"I didn't bring anything. And alcohol is, um, bad- is that RON with a funnel and- OMIGOSH."

"Weasel likes his beer."

"Um, I can see that-"

"I got some stuff. If you want."

"Are you drunk, Malfoy?"

"Am I acting weird, or-"

"Yes. And no."

"I've consumed a bit more than usual, I suppose."

"Ah."

"Ahhhh. Here."

"Um, it's a pretty big bottle, I don't know if I can finish this-"

"Woah, is it just me, Granger, or did the music just get REALLY loud. It's hurting my dear, sensitive ears."

"It's pretty loud, um, Malfoy, are you alright?"

"Sure, I've drank heaps more than this before."

"You look kind of sick."

"IT'S JUST REALLY LOUD!"

"Why are you shouting?"

"BECAUSE IT'S LOUD."

"Malfoy, it's not that loud."

"OH?"

"Maybe I should take you to your, um, dorm or something? Is it upstairs?"

"I'm fine. Drink up lady."

"I took a sip. Happy?"

"You're such a tightass, Granger."

"I am not!"

"So are. Haha, ha, hey, um.."

"Woah, you almost fell there, I'm going to put you up in your bed okay?"

"I'm FINE. I think you just want to get away from me. Because you don't want to drink, because you're too uptight."

"I AM NOT UPTIGHT!"

* * *

_"Only determination, and the most committed of people can succeed." - Anonymous_

This book belongs to: Hermione Granger, 7th Year, Gryffindor

Saturday

Homework: Arithmancy and... Oh Merlin, I have no idea.

I have the worst headache in the world.

And I can't even remember what I did last night at that stupid party thing.

I just remember showing up with Ginny, who was wearing a hand towel, practically, and I was in jeans and a thick jacket looking like the Abdominable Snowman, and-

Oh. Something about Ron drinking beer from a funnel, and, I remember Ernie trying to hit on me, then I was talking to Malfoy about something-

Oh gosh, I remember his room? Why was I in his room?

My mind's just... a blur. I am never drinking again. Ever. My grades will deteriorate and I will end up on the street, selling faulty charms to young children who will forever be leaden with mistrust and a guarded demeanor after finding out that yes, I had tricked them and took their money to feed myself bread and water rather than live off rats and bore water from the gutters of the streets I crouch in...

I hope that wasn't Malfoy's room.

* * *

**Draco Malfoy:** I think I set a new record for alcohol consumption, Zabini. Remind me never to give in to peer pressure again.

**The man with the master plan: **I didn't drink, I was too... engaged.

**Draco Malfoy:** Yay for you. My head feels like it's going to explode. So you had a good night?

**The man with the master plan: **Draco, my good friend, I had an excellent night. I didn't see you though.

**Draco Malfoy:** I didn't see me either. I have no idea what I did. Besides, you know, drink myself under the table. Maybe I just passed out.

**The man with the master plan: **Wait, you were with some fat chick.

**Draco Malfoy:** What? When?

**The man with the master plan: **I dunno, near the beginning of the night? You were pretty much falling on top of her. Or maybe it was just some girl with about billion layers on. I like the fat theory. No girl would show up to a party wearing like ten jackets.

**Draco Malfoy:** Well, maybe a few would. Like- oh fuck.

**The man with the master plan: **Like who? What?

**Draco Malfoy:** Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

**The man with the master plan: **WHAT?

**Draco Malfoy:** I think I remember what I did last night.

* * *

**Hermione:** Do you remember anything about last night?

**Draco Malfoy:** Granger, I don't want to talk about it.

**Hermione:** Malfoy, I just want you to clear this up, was I in anybody's room, by chance?

**Draco Malfoy:** Not anybody's room.

**Hermione:** Oh, that's a relief.

**Draco Malfoy:** My room.

[**Draco Malfoy** has logged off]

**Hermione:** ...

**Hermione:** Oh, shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **In the note-taking sections, Hermione is in italics, Ron is bold and Harry is normal.

* * *

**To:** grangerh

**From:** potterh

**Subject:** ?

Hermione, where have you been? I haven't seen you all weekend, since the party, not even at meals. One of the second-year girls said she hasn't seen you leave your dorm. I'm worried about you, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Harry

* * *

**To:** grangerh

**From:** weasleyr

**Subject:** Missing Mione

Mione, where are you? I've been knocking on your door all weekend and you won't answer. I need help with my homework. And Harry said he hasn't seen you either. I tried to bring you up a pie from lunch today but then Dean Thomas stole it and ate it.

By the way, remind me to punch Dean Thomas in the face.

Ron

* * *

**To:** grangerh

**From:** weasleyg

**Subject:** Hello?

Hermione, what the hell? Why won't you let me into your room? I want to talk about the party!

Ginny xoxo

* * *

***~Ginny~*: **Hermione! You're online!

**Hermione: **Um. Yes.

***~Ginny~*: **Why have you spent the weekend in your room? I have so much to talk to you about!

**Hermione: **I just had a lot of homework, that's all.

***~Ginny~*: **Sure you did. Anyway, I wanted to see if you knew about the scandalous hook-up at the party on Friday. EVERYONE'S talking about it. Is that why you're hiding away? I don't know why you would though, Harry's not going to get angry or anything if you talk to him about it.

**Hermione: **Oh Merlin. So it happened? Everyone knows? Harry knows?

***~Ginny~*: **Well of course Harry knows, he's the one who hooked up with Luna in the first place. What are you talking about?

**Hermione: **Um, nothing. I meant, uh, that it's weird Harry knows that I'm... very happy for him.

***~Ginny~*: **What are you on about? Wait, was there another scandalous coupling? Oh my god, did YOU hook up with someone?

**Hermione: **No.

**Hermione: **I mean, I guess I don't know for sure.

**Hermione: **Actually I know I wouldn't have. I couldn't have.

**Hermione: **Ignore all that. I mean no, I didn't.

**Hermione: **Definitely didn't.

***~Ginny~*: **AAHHHH YOU TOTALLY DID, WHO IS IT? TELL MEEEEE

**Hermione: **I didn't, ok? I was just rambling. It's probably all the expired Cauldron Cakes I've been eating. Look, I'm going to bed.

***~Ginny~*: **HERMIONE, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS-

[**Hermione** has logged off]

* * *

_The reference for this can be found on page 133, fig.13, which exemplifies the transfiguration of..._

**Mione, hello? Answer me, what have you been doing all weekend? I got totally destroyed on the Potions quiz today without your help.**

Ron, you always get destroyed in Potions. But seriously Hermione, where have you been?

_I've just been catching up on homework. And studying for the Potions quiz, which you both should've been doing by the way._

Hermione, is this anything to do with what happened on Friday night-

_Friday night? I don't remember anything exciting happening on Friday night. Certainly nothing out of the ordinary. Just a normal night for me._

You know, the party...

**He had a huge public make-out session with Loony Luna in front of EVERYBODY! Hey Harry, maybe she'll start calling you Warry-Warry. In your face!**

_Oh. Yes. I'm happy for you Harry. I like Luna, she's nice._

Shut up Won-Won. Ok, well I wasn't actually talking about that, Ginny said something else about you, and I thought I saw you with somebody, and we were talking, and we came to the same conclusion.

**That Warry-Warry's in love!**

SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Look, Hermione, I'm going to try not to be angry about it, but Ginny said that-

_You know Ginny, she loves stirring up things that aren't really there, and you were drinking and probably didn't see anything. Oh look, it seems like we have to find partners, you two can go together and I'll help out Neville so he doesn't explode something. Sorry, got to go!_

Hermione, this is important, I need to know-

**WARRY-WARRY COME STROKE MY WAND**

RON I AM GOING TO KILL YOU

* * *

"No Granger, I appreciate what you're trying to do but I want Longbottom to go with Thomas here so you don't do all the work for him. Thomas, he is not going to blow something up in your face, don't be ridiculous. Potter, please don't poke Weasley with your wand. Ok, let's see who's left... Granger, I guess you're with Malfoy. Oh for heaven's sake Malfoy, take that wretched look off your face, I'm sure Granger here is just as thrilled to partner with you. Everyone turn to page 160 and get started."

"Granger."

"Malfoy."

"Pass the book over, would you?"

"Look, Draco... I still can't remember what happened Friday night or why I was... you know."

"What, Granger?"

"Why I was in your, well, you know."

"Why you were in my room?"

"Shhh! Did you have to be so loud? Or do you want everyone to know?"

"Touchy. Hey, I don't want anyone else to know any more than you do. Anyway, you don't need to worry, nothing happened."

"Ok. Glad we cleared that up. Let's get back to this Transfiguration work then."

"I mean, besides the making out and touching and all."

"WHAT?"

"But really, it was nothing much."

"What did you touch, Malfoy, I swear I will hit you so hard-"

"I love it when you talk dirty, Granger. Wait, don't hit me! Look, you took me up into my room, probably because I was really drunk, or maybe because you wanted me- hey, put that fist away! We just kissed a bit, alright? Then I think I passed out. Woman, you need to relax."

"I can't believe you took advantage of me! You pig!"

"More like you took advantage of me. You weren't the one who drank himself into such a stupor, that he would kiss a Mu- I mean a..."

"Say it. Go on, say it."

"I told you before, I don't say that word anymore."

"Say Mudblood, go on, you know you want to. You pretend like you've changed because you crossed over to the good side but you haven't, not a bit. I hope you enjoyed whatever we did Friday night because it's never going to happen again. Excuse me, Professor McGonagall? I'm feeling a bit ill, there must be some noxious smell near me. Could I pop outside and get some fresh air?"

"Ok Granger, come back in when you're ready."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Granger, look, Hermione, I didn't say it-"

"Forget it, Malfoy."

* * *

**From the desk of Draco Malfoy…**

Monday

Bloody Granger and her antics in Transfiguration. I am not noxious in the slightest. And she was definitely the one who took advantage of me, simply throwing herself at me, honestly. Well, I can't really remember how we ended up kissing at that party as well, but that's probably how it went.

Oh well, she can go away, and take her stupid books with her, and her bushy hair, and smart mouth, with its soft lips, and her nice body that felt really quite good pressed against me and...

What was I talking about again?

Right. I hate Granger.

* * *

**To:** grangerh

**From:** weasleyg

**Subject:** Your secret lover

H-

I've figured it out. Your secret lover. Hint: He's blonde, attractive, has got a bad boy aura about him and Harry saw you go up to his room with him on Friday night, where you subsequently had so much crazy hot sex you had to spend the weekend recuperating. Ok, maybe I made that last bit up. But not the rest.

So can we confirm that your secret lover is none other than Mr Draco Malfoy?

G


End file.
